True Love Needs Nothing

My heart has always had a mind of its own, and I have always been aware enough to realize that. Most times I have been true to it, and I have followed it no matter where it might lead. When I was not able to trust myself or where my heart was guiding me was the times I have gotten into the most trouble. I understand that now.

In the stillness of the morning, I allow myself to go within, for there and only there are the answers that I seek. It is a practice I have come to completely rely on. During tumultuous bouts of uncertainty such as the ones I have been experiencing, I have come to realize I have stopped trusting what it is I am receiving. I have let doubts fill me and incapacitate me. No more. My heart has never steered me wrong. My mind, on the other hand, thrives on confusion.

Love cannot be thought into existence because it is already there. If we choose to share it with another then it is a precious gift and need be treated as such for it to grow exponentially. If not it will wither away into nothingness like a plant that does not receive enough water, light, or loving care. Perhaps it was this subconscious knowledge within me that had sent me barreling out like a bull in a china shop in search of a love that is real and true. Little did I know, it was already there.

Relationships of an intimate kind have always been painful for me. Is it because I was looking for someone else to complete me? Why did I think I was not whole already? The realization has struck me like a lightning bolt to the heart. I am already who I wish to be and I need no other to fulfill my preconceived beliefs about it.

Of course, not needing anyone does not mean I will never have another intimate relationship. It seems only natural that when one truly is love then they have no choice but to endow it to others, although one need not be in a relationship to do this. In fact it gives me the opportunity to have one now more than ever, and the chances of it succeeding will be tenfold because of this new perspective. It says, you can be who you are and I can be who I am. We can respect and honor that about each other and, in doing so, we are free to allow love to be shared between us on its terms and not dictated by our own foolish ideas. True love needs nothing except to be. How we choose to express it is up to us.

Love is a Four-Letter Word

Major changes lodge me precariously on the edge of something I don't quite understand, not that I understood that much to begin with, but definitely and not especially now. There is a darkness present at the moment, hanging over me like an overbearing bully, and it taunts and challenges me. Exhausted I stare defiantly at it, feeling much like a lightweight wrestler or a boxer who is going up against the champ who is double his height and three times his weight. He has been pulverized in the ring but refuses to stay down. This is where I am at.

It's not that I don't want to give up, but I can't. I'm like the punching bag that gets whacked over and over again and yet pops back up. Given the choice I would probably play dead, but it isn't in me. I'm not sure why. It's both a blessing and a curse.

As ridiculous as it sounds, I feel as if love has deserted me. "What makes now so different?" I wonder. Certainly there have been other times in my physical existence where love seemed to be a not so nice four-letter word. For some reason, though, it is different this time. Maybe it is because I am in the process of a transformation of sorts.

My life has been one critical event after another, but they usually come one at a time, not all at once. Sometimes there was even a period of rest in between them, but it is not so at the moment. Presently I feel as if a pile of manure has been dumped over my head, burying me completely, and I am blinking back the tears so as not to make a bad situation worse. What makes matters more difficult is that I am the cause of at least part of it, necessary but still unpleasant. The timing may have been completely off, but who would've known?

Even still, throughout it all, I have realized that love is love. It does not care about the details of my every day affairs. It has no vested interest in what I think or feel or say or do. It just is. What does that mean? I'm not sure. I am still in the process of discovering.

All I do know is from my earliest days there have been times when I have known great absences of love, and I have tried time and time again to fill that void by giving as much love as I was possibly capable of. I did this because I knew in some strange way that this was me, this was my mission, to be and give love. What I didn't know is that I was missing perhaps the other integral part of the equation...receiving love. Maybe this is the key. One must have a balance of not only giving love but receiving it.

Some people are so battered by love gone wrong that they never allow themselves to be open to it again. To me this is incredibly sad. Alfred Lord Tennyson said, "It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." I tend to agree.

I am on the opposite end of the spectrum. The more I suffer, the more determined I am to discover true love, except nowadays after much turmoil I am willing to let true love find me. And, if I get hurt in the process, then I will pick myself up, dust myself off, and try, try, try again because I cannot imagine a life forever without it. In fact I don't think that it's even in my genetics to do so.

This quote sums it up quite nicely for me. "If you have it [Love], you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have." ~ Sir James M. Barrie. And so it is.

The Journey to Discovering Love Begins

Suppose, just suppose, that most of our challenges in life are really opportunities to love more, to love deeply, and to love greatly. What if these problems are a gift in disguise to aide us in learning to love ourselves, to love each other, and to love that higher part of ourselves or God? What then? How would this change the world around us? More importantly, how would it change our worlds both inner and outer? Would we think of ourselves or others differently? How would our views of life with all it's complexities change? Could it possibly be that simple?

I am on a mission, one of self-discovery, yes, but also a journey of love. Won't you join me? This blog is not only for myself but it is for all of you who have loved, whether you have found true love, whether you have loved and lost, or whether you are still searching. I will share with you my insights, my love, my set-backs and growth. And, if you would like, I hope you will also share the experiences that are shaping your world as you travel the path of life because we are all connected and we can learn from each other.

Living life can be rocky, I know, but it is also full of joy and happiness. And what is life if we have forgotten love? I sense with the deepest part of me it is there, calling us to remember. It's whisperings are so low we often don't even hear it above our chaotic lives but stop and listen because it is our inheritance. We ARE entitled to it, and it waits for each one of us.

Is love reserved only for the pretty fairy-tales we've so eagerly digested? Or is love all around us, dare I say, within us just waiting to be discovered? Let us plant this seed together, nurturing, and caring for it. Where it will take us? Let our hearts and our minds be open to its beauty. Destination...love? All aboard!