Changing My Story

Michael Roberts was the first boy I ever kissed. Michael and I were both 7-years-old and in 2nd grade together. He had the cutest freckles, and I couldn't resist. I was a VERY brave child! Guess what? He kissed me right back! Of course, it didn't last but I've never forgotten. There's just something about a first kiss that stays with you. I bet even as you read this you are remembering yours. Love can be innocent, but it doesn't usually stay that way, at least not for me.

Those days saw the first of a lot of things for me. I made my First Confession and my First Holy Communion. I got a big girl bike, a yellow Scwinn, for my birthday. And my dad began going to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). When you love someone who has an addiction, whether it is a parent, sibling, child or spouse, the definition of love is tested and stretched. Another facet of love appears, and it is called tough love.

Love seemed very complicated to me back then. (Maybe it still does and that's why I'm writing this blog?) My ideas about love soon became beliefs, which then became my reality. A long time later, I am really starting to see that. The trick seems to be not only in recognizing it, but then knowing what to do afterwards.

My life is not written in stone. Maybe I cannot change my past, but I certainly have the power to change my future. Over the last 13 years, I have been taking conscious steps to do that. Baby steps, slow and steady, but I had to begin somewhere.

Changing my story, transforming my life, is an on-going process. It's a LOT of learning, falling down, bouncing back up, and getting totally frustrated with myself. Some days I totally hate it! Other days I laugh or cry hysterically as I try yet again to turn my life this way or that way and it comes around like a boomerang and knocks me on my rump.

After I recover from the initial shock of having gotten it wrong AGAIN, I dust myself off and prepare for battle. I am 100% committed! No one can do it but me, and I will! So what if it takes me a few hundred tries? At least I am making the effort. I suppose God made me stubborn for a reason!