Love is Timeless

The hands of the clock spin backwards. Hours, days, years, lifetimes later it stops. A scene flashes before my eyes. Flirting and laughing, the couple seems oblivious to my presence. I feel like a trespasser who has stumbled upon this cherished moment in time, peeking at them from behind a tree, but I cannot take my eyes from them. Their joy and love flow abundantly between them, and I find myself smiling at their innocence. I realize it is you and I in another time and place and with that knowledge planted within me, I awaken.

Fumbling for pen and paper in the darkness, I hurry to scribble the details of my memory before it fades. The love I had felt with you then has been transported to this present time. Part of me understands it was recalled from the distant past, but my heart feels the love as if it has never gone. My mind sees no space between the two. I am overwhelmed by the emotions and the realization that love is eternal.

Love perceives no time. It supersedes all the rational senses and leaves me perplexed.

A Love Story

Once upon a time there was nothing and out of this nothingness came a single thought, "I must know myself." From this single thought sprung desire and so energy split creating atoms of Itself. These sparks were very much caught up in themselves so the Creator of All decided, to know oneself, you need to experience life in all of its facets. It sent these Souls to boot camp and called one such place, "Earth." Earth was a very difficult environment to live.

Soul was immature and uncertain of its role, but that was okay because it would get many opportunities to learn. Lessons were delivered in great abundance, and they were given unlimited amounts of lifetimes in order to know who they were but also to learn who their Creator was. In the process their Maker was able to experience life through them so it was a mutually beneficial relationship.

Something unexpected happened to Soul as it entered their new residence; it forgot who it was! They even forgot who they had been in previous lives! Not knowing they were actually powerful beyond measure made even the most simple task seem incredibly difficult. Not to worry, though, the Highest Source would not let them flounder in their ignorance for long; It gave them higher beings to aide them in their efforts to remember. These beings came in forms of angels, masters, and other guardians or gods. They even received inner guidance through dreams, but not all were wise enough to take those dreams seriously. If all else failed, they each were given the greatest gift of all, an internal compass, their heart. Whenever in doubt, all Soul had to do was follow their heart and act within the highest love they knew at that time.

Fortunately, Soul was given a mind with their human body. Unfortunately, the mind was very powerful and would many times override the heart. It would tell the human that it was in charge, and they would believe it. The truth was, the mind was a super-computer. It only knew what it was fed, and it was only fed what it had participated in or was exposed to, directly or indirectly, throughout its lifetime. It filed away all of the human's experiences and would base future experiences on the past. Sometimes this was good because the person had pleasant exposures, but many times it was not. By default it would keep people in a fearful state, afraid to do something, because in the past it had resulted in something they thought was "bad." When the mind followed a pattern, it would often keep people stuck in a rut for a long period of time.

The humans did not understand that this super-computer wasn't very smart at all. Because in all actuality it only knew what it was told. So if someone made a mistake and told the computer 2+2=10 then it would insist that 2+2=10, even though we know it really equals four. Other people might try to point this out, but unless the individual was ready they would always side with their own mind.

In truth the mind makes a better slave than a master but most humans have this backwards. Some day they will learn their true inheritance and, when they do, they will come to know themselves and the Source that loved them enough to give them life. They will, for all eternity after that, live to love and serve this Source until they return Home once again and then they will live happily ever after. The End?

The Paradox

Standing on the beach, the warm rays of the sun permeating my being, listening to the cry of the seagulls as they descend and ascend from the water, and watching the tide crash at my feet fills my heart with love. There's just something about running playfully into the invigorating embrace of the waves that is sure to make your heart unlock its doors and the child in you reappear, wide-eyed in awe of its greatness.

Diving into its depths, curious to know the treasures it shelters, my body tingles with renewal and strength. Giggles rise up out of me like bubbly champagne, tickling my insides, calling me to remember my joyous self. The sun kisses my face as I direct my attention into the light, drawing its energy into me, and then swimming deeper, further. Content I allow myself to float upward, eyes observing the small, twinkling spots of illuminations widening as I reach the surface. I taste the salt upon my lips as I exhale and then inhale again the pureness of the ocean air.

Energy delightfully spent, I return to the heated grains of sand and throw myself upon it, permitting my body to sink into the hot granules of gold. I surrender myself to the dreams of mermaids and the water nymphs and like a toddler who has played hard, sleep comes quickly so I can continue my respite in other worlds not far from here.

The Dream Master appears with a smile upon his face and a twinkle in his eyes to escort me to places unknown. For a brief moment I hesitate, and I feel an impression upon my mind, "Trust me" coaxing me out of my shell and with that we take flight. The earthly world seems to disappear beneath us. Bright and brighter lights envelop us while melodious sounds increase in volume until they are no longer heard outside of us but become an internal orchestra. Within it I discover we are the Light. We are the Sound. It encompasses everything and yet nothing at all. Love is and is not. The paradox is lost upon the human mind but here it all makes sense because there is nothing to make sense of.

Opening Your Heart to Love

Hanging from a cliff by my fingertips and dangling over a drop that seemed to have no bottom caused an immense fear to threaten to overtake me. The dizziness of looking downward made my head spin like a top so I chose to gaze upward toward the blue skies. I dug my nails even deeper into the rocky ground, but the weight of my body made it excruciating. A voice projected out to me gently but thunderous at the same time, "Tammy, who will open your heart? Angels?" Sitting straight up in bed, I could hardly catch my breath. "Who indeed?" I thought as I got my bearings. I understood I was being told the responsibility was mine and mine alone to keep an open heart.

Life can be brutal at times. It can make you throw your fists up in the air and scream for mercy. I've been there...more than once. I know I will be brought there again and again, too, but it's different now. I am different. There have been times when I have felt as if I was completely alone. I could be in a room full of people and still feel as if I was the only one there, but I know now that none of us are truly alone unless we choose to be and even then we are not really alone. Hold on for one minute, one hour, one day more because you will break through and a year or two from then you will wonder what you ever worried about to begin with.

It won't be easy. When you have built walls like a fortress around your heart, how can you ever expect to receive love? What can you do to open up after being hurt time and time again? Something that has worked for me has been to sing HU (pronounced hue). HU is a love song to God. It can change your life. I won't give you a discourse on HU because I feel it is something so special to each individual that the only way to truly understand it is to try it for yourself. If you would like to learn more about HU, check out this link: http://www.eckankar.org/hu.html Or you can listen to this short but amazing clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wc9N_g2NolA If you decide to try it sincerely, you won't be disappointment. I haven't been.

Love Is....

Not exactly sure I am qualified to answer this question, but I will write and see what manifests. And, so far, that would be nothing, nada, zippo, zilch... I scan my memory files in search of something, anything; I am drawing a blank, perhaps because love cannot be defined solely as one thing or another.

Changing tactics and switching gears, I contemplate the times I have felt most loved or most loving. Each of the births of my three boys was at the pinnacle of this list. There is nothing like holding this little soul in your arms for the first time after months of intimate conversations with your belly. Actually I don't think I can conceive of any other experiences in my life where I have been more loving than when I was pregnant or as a mother in those early years.

As my children grew older and exerted their right to be who they were, there was, without a doubt, challenges. In fact at times I could even understand why some animals ate their young. But, in the end, love always prevailed.

The closest I can come to knowing unconditional love has been from my background as a parent. No matter what my children do or have done, I couldn't imagine a world void of them. Sometimes I shake my head with wonder when they make choices I don't understand or agree with, but I've done the best I know how to teach them some of what they may need to know. As they become adults, I realize I must give them the space to make their own decisions.

What happens if we apply that same concept to Spirit? It provides us with all the lessons we need to help us in our spiritual growth as Soul. We are presented with a multitude of opportunities throughout our days. We have total freedom to do this or that, but we are also responsible for the consequences of those actions. Sometimes that can be overwhelming, at least it was for me. What if I make the wrong choice? On one particular day as I struggled with this yet again I heard, "Even the wrong choice is the right choice because it is where you need to be." Now that's unconditional love!

Love Never Dies

No answer. Numerous urgent rings of the doorbell and several furious knocks later, my great aunt was not responding. I pulled her extra key out of my pocket but as I unlocked the door I turned to her sister, my Aunt Jean, and said, "Maybe it's best you wait here." She nodded. Both of us seemed to be expecting the worse. My Aunt Connie lived alone and had been suffering from breast cancer. She would keep in touch with family to let us know she was okay, but it had been days since anyone had heard from her.

Warily I opened the door but the putrid smell that greeted me told the story even before my eyes rested upon her remains lying on the floor. I walked over to the figure sprawled out upon a bloodstained carpet. Her condo was incredibly hot and her body had been decaying for at least a couple of days. Surprisingly calm I knelt down reverently beside her, placing a hand gently on her fragile arm that looked like nothing more than a skeleton with skin bandaged upon it. A shrunken head with single hairs poking up in disarray from her scalp and sunken eyes stared back at me. Her gray skin was hard and cold despite the fact that I felt like I was in a sauna. Oddly I didn't cry or freak out. After a few moments, I only managed a whisper, "Oh, Aunt Connie..."

And to my surprise, as if she was leaning over me as I leaned over her, I distinctly heard her voice loud and clear. "Tammy...Tammy, you know that isn't me!" The way she would always say my name had a prominent twang to it, almost nasally; I knew it was her. I nodded and replied with a sigh, "I know, Aunt Connie, I know." It dawned on me I was so calm that I felt as if I was in a bubble and thought for a moment that's what shock was. Reflecting back now, I see it was more like a circle of protection. Eventually shock wears off and you suffer the effects, but that was not the case with me.

Another time, years before my aunt's demise, when my precious Nan took leave of this earth, I would have an equally powerful experience. She had been in the hospital after having a stroke, and we had just been told she didn't have much longer. We were given permission to stay overnight. I wanted to be with her so I volunteered.

Countless times throughout the night, I would fall asleep beside her, which wasn't an easy feat since it was an extremely uncomfortable chair. I remember telling her repeatedly how much I loved her and how I didn't know how I would ever live without her. I would then tell her as hard as it would be, it was okay and we would all be fine. She had always been my source of strength and love. She would be greatly missed.

Morning came. My uncle arrived to relieve me. I said my last goodbyes, kissed my Nan's cheek, and left. I was to wash up and make the long journey to report the news to her other son who was imprisoned upstate. My youngest brother drove and my other brother accompanied us for moral support. Having to give the news to a man handcuffed and shackled that his mother had only a short time left to live was heart-wrenching to say the least. He didn't take it well but not so badly that all the hardware was needed either.

On the way home, completely drained, I slept. All of a sudden I sprung up out of my seat in the back. I felt a great swoosh of energy pass through me and I knew without a doubt my grandmother and my best friend had moved on to better and brighter things. I stared at the clock on the car radio; it read 3:50 p.m. We were still forty minutes from home in a time where not everyone had cell phones. I found it impossible to sleep.

The car pulled up at my front door and my uncle was standing there smoking a cigarette. I watched in a daze as he walked over to us, his face red with tears, and delivered what I already knew. Nan had died. Choking back tears I asked, "When?" I'm sure have guessed what he said. The time had been exactly as I had viewed!

Love never dies. Our energy never ceases to exist. It simply bids farewell when our bodies have had its fill and can no longer sustain life. Perhaps from there it will rest a while in the "heavens" or on other planes. Or maybe it will even choose to return to live again here or somewhere else, but it never really leaves, does it?

A Valuable Lesson in Listening and Following my Heart

Rocky, a 6-month-old rottweiller and newest addition to our family, traveled with me while I worked. I took photos in people's homes of their children, and I did a lot of local driving. Rocky loved the car, and I loved the companionship. In between appointments we would locate a park to play, walk, or just relax.

As I pulled my van into a small parking lot, I took notice of a maroon pickup truck with a specialized license plate. A police car had pulled up next to him and they seemed to be talking. Not thinking much about it, Rocky and I proceeded into this little wooded area to walk and enjoy the day. Strolling along the creek bed, relishing our time with nature and with each other, I thought it didn't get much better than this.

Suddenly Rocky changed pace and lunged up towards higher ground, yanking my unsuspecting self with him. (He may have only been 6 months but he was already a good-sized dog and very strong.) When we arrived at the top of this modest but rugged hill, there was a massive tree trunk blocking the path. My dog didn't seemed to mind, and I caught him mid-air as he tried to jump it. "Oh, no! We aren't going there." It wasn't that I minded taking a hike off the main path or even climbing the beast but something was most definitely telling me, "NO!" I wasn't about to test what would happen if I didn't listen.

Quickly I took control and drug a not so willing rottie with me. Resisting most of the way, Rocky was giving me a workout, but I wasn't feeling good about this at all. My heart was pounding against my chest, and I didn't know why but I knew something wasn't right.

Upon re-entering the parking lot, I immediately observed the two vehicles were gone. Rocky hadn't relieved himself yet so we took one more walk over to the bridge leading out, only a short 30-feet away. The nervousness I grappled with hadn't dissapated so one quick glance at the stream of water and foliage below and we were out of there. I wasn't comfortable with being on high alert and not knowing why.

No sooner had we turned to leave did the maroon pickup return in a blaze of fury, swerving around my van, literally doing a 360, kicking up gravel and dust in its tracks, and finally coming to a screeching halt directly behind my vehicle. Trapped! My heart took up residence in my throat and everything in me screamed, "RUN!" Panic rose within me but, just as it did, a strong but tranquil voice entered my chaotic thoughts. "Stay calm! Retrieve your keys out of your pocket slowly and walk to your car as if nothing is wrong."

No time to question the reason of all of this, I did what I was told. Step by step I was guided even to the point of looking directly into this furious man's eyes and smiling. As crazy as that seemed then, I followed orders obediently. The unspoken anger bellowed off of this guy like steam off a blown radiator but he didn't move from the spot he stood, choosing to observe me instead. I have come to the realization now that the smile was to let him know, "Hey, everything is great and wonderful with the world. I didn't see anything you didn't want me to. I'm not a threat."

Concentrating on the voice's methodic commands, I nonchalantly put Rocky into the backseat, got myself into the driver's seat, and, hands shaking, turned the key. For a moment I listened to the hum of the engine and let it comfort me as I checked my rearview mirror. As bizarre as it may have been, he was still standing there, obstructing the way I had come in, watching me carefully, perhaps for any sign that would give me away. Maybe the voice was talking to him, too, telling him all was okay. Surely I do not really know.

Panic set in again as I stared at the entrance and thought I had no way out but it was quickly combated by a reminder from my voice of reason. The bridge I had just walked across was also an exit. I cautiously slid my car into drive and pulled out. I drove slowly fighting everything in me to explode out of there. Many times I would check my mirrors but he did not follow.

Even today, 11 years later, my stomach still fills with acid and my body trembles with fear at the memory of it. I never did discover the truth of that day. Maybe it is for the best. However, I did learn how important it is to love yourself enough to trust your instincts, follow your heart, and allow your angels or masters to guide you. It doesn't always come in loud, booming voices; rather, mostly in whispers so low you must be still and quiet to hear them. If you do you will be rewarded tenfold...sometimes with your life.