When It's Over...or Is it? (Part 2)

What keeps married couples together after the fire dies down? Idealistically two people who love each other would work together to keep that fire going, but this isn't always the case. More often than not, people get comfortable and start to take each other for granted. Staying together becomes more of a habit; let's face it, it's secure and dealing with what you know is way better than facing the unknown. It's not an easy choice to say, this is no longer working for me/us but to stay, for me, is like living the biggest lie ever.

Divorce is mostly seen as a four-letter word but maybe there's another way to view it. Could it be that sometimes a divorce is a gift you give each other? I mean, people change, why wouldn't marriages? Granted, not every marriage is doomed to fail. There is hope if a couple truly loves each other and they are willing to go the extra mile to make it happen. What are the qualities that comprise a successful union of the heart? I will have to use my imagination because I haven't had a "successful" marriage yet, but I am not giving up hope. Remember, I'm a romantic at heart.

Don't let the fire burn down. Keep it interesting. Keep it somewhat mysterious. Explore little ways you can keep the excitement going in your relationship. There are hundreds of ideas popping in my head even as I type this, but here are only a couple so you get the idea. Wear jeans and a t-shirt every day? Throw on a skirt and some make-up...ladies only, hopefully, but whatever floats your boat. Always have dinner on the run or on paper plates? Pull out the good china and some candles, try a new recipe, and send the kids to Grandmom's once in a while.

Men, you are not exempt. Do you always absentmindedly kiss your wife as you are blazing out the door in the morning or not at all? Take a few minutes longer and give her a kiss that will make her think about you the rest of the day. Never underestimate the power of a real kiss.

Come home for lunch once in a while. What a great way to stimulate the rest of your day. Schedules allowing, of course. Surprise is always a plus factor if it is done with love. And you fall into a rut easily when you are doing the same things day in and day out. Don't let it happen! And if it is happening, pull out the first aid kit quick! It's never too late if you are both willing to work at it. If not it's like paddling a boat with one oar, you get nowhere fast.

Take time to appreciate each other and all the things you do throughout the day.

Accept each other for who you are faults and all. They were okay when you first got into the relationship. Why aren't they okay now? If something really gets on your nerves, don't harbor resentment. Find the right time, the right words, and talk about it. If someone gets defensive or emotions get involved, let it go, walk away. Chances are, given some space, he/she will have a change of heart if they know it is important to you. And, if not, you may have to decide how much it really matters in the grander scheme of things.

Take time to connect and reconnect. It's so easy to get lost in the stress of every day stuff. Have a date night. Have fun! It doesn't have to be a night out on the town. Take a long drive together, pack a picnic, read poetry to each other if you both like poetry... Dance in your living room! Be spontaneous!

Falling in love is the easy part; staying in love takes work but it can be fun if you let it.

When It's Over (Part 1)

Sometimes love between two people runs its course; a relationship has been taken as far as it is able to go. It is a wise person who knows and accepts when this is so and even wiser still when the couple together come to this logical but painful conclusion. Nevertheless, the challenges of ending a short or long-term affair are never easy. And if you add in factors like the length of time you invested in each other, finances, assets, or children then you up the ante. Suddenly you find yourself in a nightmare whether parting ways is the "right" thing to do or not.

Love can be complicated but only because we make it so. Humans like to put conditions on everything! We need things to be ordered and make sense. Or maybe it isn't even everyone...it could be just me.

Perhaps we expect too much out of relationships. Why is a marriage forever? Is that realistic? Or is that an unnecessary pressure we put on ourselves? Could it be possible that some marriages aren't supposed to last forever? What if this legal bond served a purpose and that purpose is not forever after? What would they be? I have my own sneaky suspicions but I will leave you to find your own answers. Mine may not be yours.

Could it be that love in a marriage does not end but changes form? In the beginning it is a fiery passion fueling this bond. If we didn't have that, why would anyone feel motivated to get married in the first place? I would think you would have to feel like you couldn't live without this person to make such a commitment, but I'm speaking from a learning curve and my own interpretation. In fact I seem to have more questions than answers at this point. And, even if I do have a few answers, I can't promise you I won't change my mind tomorrow. It's my prerogative, and I use it quite frequently.

So chemistry brings us together but what keeps us together? Blood, sweat, and tears? Hopefully, it's not quite that drastic but I may be onto something.

(to be continued...)