When Love is NOT Love

Boogeymen and monsters in my closet never frightened me. I never looked under my bed for the "bad man." Or worried about ghosts haunting my room at night. My nightmares came as familiar faces with "I love you" upon their lips.

Terror caught in my throat and chills ran down my spine as I heard my door creak open and my name whispered. Squeezing my eyes shut tight and clutching my teddy bear, I whimpered silently, "Please God make him go away" but it was not to be. Soon not even the light of day could protect me from darkness. It invaded my days subtly under the guise of love, trust, and friendship; I was oh so young and innocent then.

While sexual and emotional abuse come quietly, other forms of abuse are much more blatant, such as physical and verbal abuse. I would not be exempt from them either and much of my childhood and adolescence was spent trying to understand why love hurt so much. It was within these walls I built my ideas about love, basing it on everything false and negative, perhaps I needed to completely understand what love wasn't in order to begin to understand what it truly was.

I am NOT a victim! A victim is someone who is powerless, and I don't see myself like that. Who can really understand all the ins and outs of why people do the things they do. Surely, they do not realize the depth of the harm they inflict. I have to believe when people know better, they do better. I've never faltered from that point of view, and I don't think I ever will.

The trick has been, if that is what love is not then what is love really? And we have a choice...accept what we have been taught through our past experiences about love or write a new definition. This is my journey.

The Journey to Discovering Love Begins

Suppose, just suppose, that most of our challenges in life are really opportunities to love more, to love deeply, and to love greatly. What if these problems are a gift in disguise to aide us in learning to love ourselves, to love each other, and to love that higher part of ourselves or God? What then? How would this change the world around us? More importantly, how would it change our worlds both inner and outer? Would we think of ourselves or others differently? How would our views of life with all it's complexities change? Could it possibly be that simple?

I am on a mission, one of self-discovery, yes, but also a journey of love. Won't you join me? This blog is not only for myself but it is for all of you who have loved, whether you have found true love, whether you have loved and lost, or whether you are still searching. I will share with you my insights, my love, my set-backs and growth. And, if you would like, I hope you will also share the experiences that are shaping your world as you travel the path of life because we are all connected and we can learn from each other.

Living life can be rocky, I know, but it is also full of joy and happiness. And what is life if we have forgotten love? I sense with the deepest part of me it is there, calling us to remember. It's whisperings are so low we often don't even hear it above our chaotic lives but stop and listen because it is our inheritance. We ARE entitled to it, and it waits for each one of us.

Is love reserved only for the pretty fairy-tales we've so eagerly digested? Or is love all around us, dare I say, within us just waiting to be discovered? Let us plant this seed together, nurturing, and caring for it. Where it will take us? Let our hearts and our minds be open to its beauty. Destination...love? All aboard!